Arranging a meet

In exploring our gender and sexual fantasies, for some, there comes a time when you may want to share this with someone else. Often this is something we keep separate from our day to day life, family, friends and colleagues so we seek a like minded person who is not a usual part of our lives  to share this with.. There are many who feel this way that have found the internet as a great way to meet such people. So it is quite easy to find a potentially compatible person online who is willing to arrange to meet offline.

Excitement versus fear

Meeting up with someone new can be exiting but also scary. “What if they know me already?”, “What if the reject me?”, “What if they expose me?”, “What if they discover I was exaggerating online?”, “What if I can’t live with the guilt if I do something I will regret?”. These scary thoughts done really feature much when the meet is a long way off and mainly exists only in mind lie a fantasy. Though just arranging the meetup can make the fantasy more real and exciting.

As the meetup date approaches, the “what if” fears start to build along with any residual fears from past conditioning. In many cases as the meetup time approaches the fear can overtake the excitement so much that it swallows your integrity as well and you start looking for an out. This or similar to this is going on with most of the more novice people you arrange to meet,

Site demographics

Much of the activity on brisbanetgirls.com will be novices. This is typical of many internet sites facilitating sex or gender diverse meets. Those who are more experienced quickly filter out those who give off stand-up cues to arrange meets with those more likely to follow through. As a result they spend less time on site and a more fulfilled time offsite. They may however still spend time on site interacting with friends rather than seeking meets. The novice will spend more time on site as they go through the cycles of arranging meets and cancelling. Many may also be slowly building up to arranging their first meets and many may be satisfied just with online interaction. On top of that, due to our sex-phobic conservative culture, only the number of novices exceeds those more experienced significantly. So please expect most on brisbanetgirls,com to be novices unless you get a sense they do actually follow through with meets by chat room conversations between those who have met or pictures of them with other people in a similar context to the meet you are arranging.

Reducing the risk of/from being stood up

Increase accountability: Ensure there is a standing up consequence. For example, one way to significantly decrease stand-ups and increase the likelihood the person you meet contacts you prior if they are not going to show is to ensure you have a valid phone number for them, and they know it. Also agree to give notice if one can’t make the meet.

Look for stand-up cues: A common sign that you will be stood up is prolific questioning prior. Ongoing questions about the meet or the person or the place is a sign that the person is nervous, so a greater chance that the increased fear when the day arrives will be too much for them. Bad reputation is another. If others discuss being stood up by the person, it is more likely they will stand you up too.

Smaller steps: If you can reduce the feared consequences of a meet by not committing to as much, you may reduce the excitement but also reduce the chances of them standing you up. You could meet for a public drink first, or arrange a pre session meet with strict time limits and the option of not going through with a full meet. That way, all they have to do is just meet, without obligation to go further into what might seem scary for them. If they stand you upon this, they quite likely would have stood you up on a full meet that you have invested more time, energy and emotion in to.

Make it matter less: Reduce the cost to you of being stood up. Expect to be stood up a lot of the time so you are not so disappointed. Understand that it is a bit of a numbers game. Don’t go out of your way too much, so you are not put out much by being stood up. Arrange group meets, so that if most pull out, some may still follow through.

See a pro first: A person who’s livelihood depends on meeting you, or who gets some form of reward is more likely to follow through. This may initially seem an expensive way to meet someone, but if you consider the time and energy lost to arranging many fruitless meets it often proves to be the option of greatest value. Once you have had a few meets, your confidence should be up and your resistance to contacts screaming with stand-up cues should be greater, giving you a long term better chance of meeting people who follow through.

What are your experiences?

This is just a general overview from my own experience and that shared with me by others. Of course it wont apply to everyone. What are your experiences with meeting people one on one? Have you been stood up? So much that it discourages you from meeting others?  Have you stood someone up?  What comes up for you as the meeting time gets closer?